A New Threat
There’s nothing the media likes more than a new threat with which to scare hundreds of millions of ordinary people and thereby boost the value of all-important ad slots. As people are now bored of Covid and covid-like stories, and as school shootings in the USA are now weekly occurrences and therefore also boring, and as Russian atrocities in Ukraine would upset advertisers and so despite their sensation potential can’t be used, and as there’s been no big commercial jet airplane crash for some considerable time (damn those safety regulations!), it’s now essential for the media to create another mass panic because, let’s face it, executive bonus time is drawing close and we really do need to ensure plenty of juicy ad revenues flood in.
So, in the Spirit of Giving that is appropriate for the time of year, I’m going to present what could easily be, if treated in the right way, a suitable scare story with which to terrify millions of ordinary people primed by habit for the next context-free hysterical piece of media manipulation.
Headline: The Hidden Killer
Sub-head: more than a million people a year fall victim and you could be next!
Governments around the world have known about this lethal threat for decades but have done nothing to protect us. Now we bring you the true story of this deadly killer.
Di-hydrous oxygen is the deadly threat that can strike at any time regardless of age, gender, weight, or pronoun choices. It is made from two elements that are so dangerous that combining them results in an instantaneous explosion. And yet, governments have done nothing to protect us from this killer chemical that every year claims the lives of over 300,000 people. Every year more than 1,200,000 people are seriously injured.
Over the last decade, more than 3,250,000 people have been killed by this hidden horror.
Today we say: enough is enough!
It’s time to stop the slaughter caused by unregulated di-hydrous oxygen!
Click here to see our video expose of this murderous molecule!
Click here to join a petition to outlaw deadly di-hydrous oxygen!
Click here to listen to the heart-rending stories of families who have lost loved ones to this sinister substance!
Click here to join the Halt Horror Organization!
Click here to see how you can protect yourself against this criminal chemical!
Click here to see this week’s special offers on the latest range of must-have hair dyes!
Tomorrow: Why Every Breath You Take Could Be Your Last!
Note: the numbers quoted regarding deaths attributable to di-hydrous oxygen are factual.