As a scholar of English literature (BA and MA from Oxford University) I continue to adore the various "Shakespeare was really XXXX" theories. My personal favorite is that Shakespeare wasn't really a talented English wordsmith who borrowed heavily from well-known sources but was, in reality (wait for it, wait for it...) an alien from a planet orbiting the sun catalogued as GJ3512. Stranded on Earth due to a coolant leak, the alien (whose real name loosely translates as @!g%--bigly) was forced to find employment in order to raise the funds necessary to repair its ship using a creative mix of cow dung and wrought iron. As a member of a tri-gendered species, the alien was supremely well placed to write about bi-gendered animals, and as its spacecraft had skimmed over Europe before crash-landing behind a small brewery in Shoreditch, it had acquired sufficient knowledge of the geography to improvise a series of tales based loosely on stories popular back on the homeworld. This is the most logical explanation for Shakespeare's productions and the lack of any evidence in support just goes to prove how well @!g%-bigly covered its tracks after penning its final play mere hours before liftoff.

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