As friendly Russian peacekeeping forces rush into Ukraine to stop fascist Ukrainians from blowing up their own buildings and infrastructure, the West continues to manufacture entirely false narratives about Russian aggression. As everyone who listens to kind old Uncle Volodya knows, Russia would never invade anyone, ever. What Russia is doing is simply protecting their Ukrainian neighbors from self-harm, as Ukrainians are famous for shooting their own people, sending rockets into their own apartment blocks, and smashing up their own airports. Only with Russian protection can Ukrainians ever hope to experience the freedoms and economic well-being that Russians themselves enjoy under President Putin's enlightened eternal rule.

And anyone who says different will be crushed into oblivion.