As US culture hasn’t entirely ruined sex for absolutely everyone yet, I’d like to propose that we start measuring volume of ejaculate, both for men and for women. We need a porn-determined standard, for example at least 20cc for men and 100cc for women. Any liquid squirted out below these critical thresholds can be deemed woefully insufficient and indicative of a need to undergo Squirting Therapy; indeed, perhaps it would reveal that one is suffering from Trauma-Induced Squirting Dysfunction.

Not only would this help pay off a great many therapists’ mortgages but it would, eventually, reduce even further the number of US citizens who shamefully continue to attempt sexual intercourse more than once a year.

Anyone who enjoys my articles here on Medium may be interested in my books Why Democracy Failed and The Praying Ape, both available from Amazon.