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Boris Johnson Addresses The Nation
As Brexit looms, the economy reels, and the future looks bleak, the Prime Minister steps forward, backward, and slightly sideways as he looks for the microphone which was right in front of him all the time
Hello chums, er, citizens of this great United England. No, well, ah, this is all rather tricky without Domenic telling me what to say. Still, struggle on, as Winston would have said if he were fortunate enough to have hair like mine.
Righty-oh, where was I? Oh yes! United something-or-other. Northern votes, anyhow. That’s what’s important. Keep those northern votes. Not the far north, of course. That’s something called Scottish-land I believe. But we can ignore them because we’ve already taken all their North Sea oil revenues and spent them on super wheezes. And besides, who even knows where Glasburgh is?
So, yes, citizens of United Northern votes, I speak to you today as your Prime Minister. Unfortunately, due to absolutely no fault of my own whatsoever, the perfidious European Union has completely refused to concede to my perfectly reasonable demands that we get all the good things we used to have without any of the paying-in nonsense and with lots more good things just for us that they can’t…
