How Airlines Could Differentiate Their Hard Product

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I went to Genéve Aeroport to see my son off after his brief visit to Lausanne to catch up and visit with some friends he made on his last trip here. As we strolled through the Departures area with its multiplicity of airlines it occurred to me that instead of having the tedious Economy Class, Business Class and First Class, or the highly pretentious Executive Class or Superior Class or Upper Class or any of the rest of it, Airlines could instead aim to capture something of their national character in the names they use for their hard product offerings.

And so, without further ado, I offer the airlines of the world free and gratis the following helpful suggestions:

British Airways: Brexit Class, Remain Class, EU Passport Class

Quantas: Vegemite Class, Avocado Toast Class, Truffle Class

United Airlines: Beatings Class, Keep-Your-Seat Class

Ryan Air: Guinness Class, Guinness Class

Japan Airlines: Bowing Class, Deep Bowing Class, Head-Touches-Carpet-And-Cleans-It-With-Tongue Class

Delta Airlines: Trump Class, Clinton Class, Buffett Class

Nigeria Air: Scam Class, Embezzlement Class, Looting Class

Aeroflot: Bathtub Vodka Class, Bottle Vodka Class, Pilot Class

Air Canada: Eh-Conomy Class, Eh-Xecutive Class

Air France: Cru Bourgeoise, Premier Cru, Grande Cru

Saudi Airlines: Flogging Class, Amputation Class, Beheading Class

Colombia Airlines: Smoking Class, Snorting Class, Cartel Class

Air India: Diarrhea Class, Naan Class, Tandoori Class

Ariana Afghan Airlines: Vest Class, IED Class, Soft Hands Class

Congo Airways: Wing Class, Prayer Class

Finally, before he accidentally became Moron In Chief of the USA, it was rumored that Donald Trump was planning to start his own airline. Had he done so, it would have reflected his own personality and thus possessed no class at all.

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