Cristobal Colombo Goes To Mars
How to respond to killjoys and Mars-haters who don’t see how important it is for humanity to colonize the galaxy
When it comes to the topic of humans whizzing into space just like we’ve all seen a million times in Sci-Fi movies and innumerable TV series, really clever people always compare going to Mars and elsewhere in the solar system to Columbus voyaging to the Americas. Really clever people know that going to Mars is pretty much identical to climbing aboard a wooden ship and sailing across the ocean. Because, hey, it says in Star Trek that humans are natural explorers with a desire to see what’s out there, right? To boldly go, and all that.
It is a teensie bit awkward when all of history and anthropology and archeology shows that throughout human history more than 99% of people have been born, lived, and died within a 5 kilometer radius, but that just goes to prove that deep down we’re all explorers really, at least in our minds and on TV.
But the key thing is that going to Mars is exactly the same as setting sail for America. It’s about adventure, exploration, and boldly going.
It really doesn’t matter that space is not 100% the same as sailing across an ocean. Sure, there’s no atmosphere in space, so without all those complex life-support systems, everyone dies. And yes, sure, there’s no gravity in space, so muscles and bones waste away. And OK, there’s no magnetic field shielding people from harmful solar radiation that shreds DNA and causes terrible cancers. But we’ve all seen Star Trek and none of these things bother the intrepid Starfleet personnel so we can basically just ignore them. It’s all over-hyped by losers who aren’t smart. I mean, nobody really knows what it’s like up there, do they? Nobody’s ever been to Mars before so obviously there will be no problems. Some people just want to over-complicate things because they’re spoil-sports with no vision whatsoever.
As we all know, a giant asteroid will soon smash into the Earth and destroy humanity unless we go to Mars and colonize the galaxy. Plus, we’ve pretty much screwed the Earth so it makes total sense to go to some barren planet that’s totally hostile to life and start all over again there. Smart people know this; dumb people…