Dear god

I’m praying you’ll listen to this because I think it’s important

Image credit: PNGtree

To: God, CEO, Lord God Enterprises Inc.

Dear God,

I am writing to inform you of my extreme dissatisfaction with your products and services. Not only have there been precisely no miracles delivered anywhere within a ten thousand kilometer radius of my current dwelling in the last fifty years but your residual product is now so worn-out as to be utterly unfit for its intended purpose.

Moreover, I have on multiple occasions attempted to contact your customer service team by means of lengthy periods spent on my knees in prayer and as yet I’ve not received a single indication that my prayers are being heard. Your organization appears not to have kept up with innovations in customer service over the last fifty years. There isn’t even an auto-attendant, no message along the lines of “due to unusually high prayer volumes, all of our angels are busy at the moment attending to other supplicants. Your prayer will be answered in the order it was received.” There isn’t even any on-hold music by means of which one could be at least sure one had got through to the right number.

This simply isn’t good enough.

You must surely be conscious of the fact that complacency in today’s dynamic environment invariably leads to collapse. Just consider the fate of once-popular brands like J.C. Penny, BestBuy, Blockbuster Video, Woolworths, and Eastman Kodak, to name just a few.

For far too long you’ve complacenty assumed your target market — the uneducated, the low-IQ — will stick with you regardless of the fact your offerings have become woefully outdated. But look at what happens to companies that rely on selling primarily to the obese and mentally restricted: Harley-Davidson sees its net profit fall year by year because its core customers are literally a dying breed. Imagine what would have been the fate of Apple Computer Corp if they’d been so thrilled by the original Macintosh personal computer that they’d never bothered to develop the iPhone.

What happened to the zest and verve that made your Roman Catholic Church brand the world’s most profitable organization for nearly a thousand years? What happened to that defend-our-brand-space-at-all-costs…