Member-only story
Dearth In The Afternoon
Earnest Hemingway creates a Tinder profile
This is my profile. It is a good profile, the kind of profile a man can be proud of. A profile to attract a woman. The kind of woman a man will look at and say, “here is a woman, a woman for a man such as myself.”
Such a woman will not say, “I don’t want liars and cheats” for such a woman will know that deep inside their souls all men are liars and cheats and that is what makes them truly men.
Such a woman will not obscure her face with cartoon butterflies and strange red hearts floating above her head. She will not post pictures of her feet. She will look straight out at her man, the man waiting for her, the man who will make her proud to be a woman alongside such a man.
This woman will catch a swordfish full of urgent life, fight a bull in that ring from which only the living may depart, hunt a lion on sunbaked safari, and pick me up after I have fallen, swollen-bellied with fierce liquor, after a hard day of wringing words from the deceitful typewriter.
A woman such as this one will super-like me, even though I do not, for I am a man and such a woman will love such a man as me.
Please.
