Member-only story
Democracy Airlines
It’s the best airline that’s ever been invented and we will all love it forever
“Good morning and welcome to Democracy Airlines! It’s great to see you all here! Once you’ve all stopped fighting about where to put your baggage, we can get started.”
“Our pre-flight entertainment is our traditional Vote To Elect the Pilot. Even though none of you understands the tiniest thing about aviation, this is your chance to choose who’s going to fly this aircraft! Isn’t that exciting?”
“We’ve got a wonderful group of contestants who all want your vote, and they’re going to introduce themselves to you now.”
“Hi, I’m Karen Gunslinger. It’s vital we keep this airplane far from those dangerous lib’rul cities where socialists want to take away our guns and eat Jesus wrapped in a taco. My daddy didn’t leave me thirty-seven million dollars just so some Hispanic pool boy could get an education I’m paying for through illegal taxation that’s wasted on welfare queens. So vote for me because you know I’m right.”
“Hi there, folks. I’m Joe Appleseed and I know every single one of us wants the best for this wonderful aircraft we’re all in, even those of you toward the back who’re chewing the carpet and the two off-duty cops who’ve just killed that poor, poor man in seat 37C. Maybe…
