Back in 1991 when I arrived in California as a new resident, I was struck by how every women’s magazine in the supermarket rack had the same basic format:
Ten Hot Sex Tips to Drive Him Wild in Bed!!!
How to Say No to Sex Before Marriage
Fifteen Irresistible Chocolate Cake Recipes
How to Lose 50 lbs in Only Three Weeks!!!
In other words, the typical glossy downmarket women’s magazine was an intentional mind-fuck.
I noticed in particular that the theme of weight loss appeared everywhere, just as candy could be found in practically any store. Go into a fabric store and what do you find near the check-out? Candy. Go into a gas station to buy some windscreen washer fluid and what do you find? Candy. I’ve never been in a surgical supplies shop in the USA but were I to do so I’d fully expect to find candy on sale there too. And because few can resist an easy purchase, obesity is endemic.
So it’s hardly surprising that as 85% of US citizens are fat, weight loss diets are ubiquitous.
The problem with fad diets is, of course, that when you restrict calories your body goes into survival mode. Your metabolism slows so you burn fewer calories per hour. If you starve yourself, perversely your body begins to metabolize muscle tissue rather than the lipids in your adipose cells. And when you do finally eat something, your body preferentially converts it to fat because it thinks you’re in a place where you may never find anything to eat again so it’s best to store up fat for the long hard months ahead.
This is why people who go on fad diets always lose some weight initially and then gain more than they lost once they come off the diet, which they inevitably do because fad diets leave them chronically malnourished. Tick malnourishment for Keto, Atkins, and also if you go Vegan (because as omnivores we’re not evolved to survive on a vegan diet; we need iron and B12 and D and iodine and we can only get these things from animal products, iron in vegetables being chelated and almost impossible for our gut to absorb).
We’ve known for decades that the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to exercise vigorously every day and eat healthy foods in moderation.
There are many great benefits to exercise: fat reduction, muscle gain, bone density increase, reduction in blood pressure, reduction in blood glucose levels, improvement in mood, increased libido, massive reduction in risk of a wide range of diseases, and better appetite regulation. When you exercise daily your body stops craving the McSlop you’ve been pouring down your throat and starts craving what it needs: fruits, vegetables, protein, nuts, and seeds. That candy bar or cake loses its appeal after a five mile run; instead you’ll look eagerly at the celery sticks nestled next to the tub of hummus. And sugary soda drinks are repellent after exercise whereas cool clear ordinary water is delicious.
But who cares about all of this? Practically nobody! And there’s not much money to be made from giving sensible advice whereas there are fortunes to be made by promoting spurious but simple-to-understand diets, especially when those diets are easy to comply with.
And so, without further ado, please ensure you are sitting comfortably because we’re about to introduce….
The Coating Fat Diet ™
Here’s how it works: There are really two kinds of fat.
The first kind of fat is Cellular Fat and it is very, very bad for you. So bad that it gives you zits, makes you fat, and causes your genitals to shrivel in a most disturbing way.
The second kind of fat is Coating Fat and it is very, very good for you. So good that it makes you taller and more beautiful, lets you lose hundreds of pounds practically overnight, and firms up those parts of you that today are sagging rather alarmingly and occasionally catching in zippers.
It’s obvious we should all be eating lots of foods that contain good Coating Fat and shunning foods that contain bad Cellular Fat.
Let’s first look at stay-away-from foods loaded with Cellular Fat, so we know what to toss out of our refrigerators and pantries. All kinds of meat are right out (except for ultra-fatty bacon), as are eggs and dairy products. Forget vegetables like avocadoes and olives and stay away from nuts and seeds. All these items are full of Cellular Fat, which because it’s inside cells is transported straight into our cells, making us fat.
Now let’s look at foods rich in good-for-us Coating Fat. The essence of Coating Fat is that unlike Cellular Fats, which remain in the digestive tract for weeks during which time the bad fat is transferred to our stomachs and hips and thighs, Coating Fat enables food to slide smoothly through our intestines and out into the world before it can do us any harm.
This makes intuitive sense. When we have a squeaky door hinge we don’t buy metal that has oil deep inside it; we buy a can of oil we can pour into the workings of the hinge to let everything slide smoothly. It’s the same with Coating Fat. Imagine your food just gliding through your intestines, barely even touching the sides, keeping all the calories away from your body so you can lose hundreds of pounds even while you’re fast asleep.
So what foods are rich in Coating Fats and should be the core of our daily diet?
Obviously ice-cream, butter, cakes and pastries, donuts, heavy cream, pizza, and French fries must be key components of our Coating Fat diet. But we shouldn’t forget the all-important cheese option, especially the high-fat flavorless bright orange American cheese used on burgers from coast to coast. Cheese-Whiz is an excellent on-the-go snack for those calorie-light commuting hours. High-fat salad dressings are a great way to ensure your daily intake of Coating Fat doesn’t fall short, and you can’t go wrong with a XXL-size bucket of extra-greasy Kentucky Fried Cancer (helpful tip: go early in the morning so you can be sure of getting yesterday’s leftovers reheated in oil for that extra-oil goodness).
My book The Complete Coating Fat Diet (Lose 300lbs in Under Three Weeks!) is available for only $29.99 and you can sign up for my weekly Coating Fat Top Tips online seminar for only $19.99 per month. To help you remember all the important stuff, the Coating Fat Cheat-Sheet is available for purchase so you can hang it on your kitchen wall and refer to it whenever you’re uncertain about what to eat next, and it’s a bargain at only $34.99. We also run Coating Fat Cookery Courses so you can create your own fat-rich meals at home; these are monthly events we’re giving away at $99.99 per month or only $1,499.99 at the 12-month bargain discount rate.
Don’t hesitate! We absolutely guarantee* you will lose hundreds of pounds within weeks and be delighted by your results. But hurry! Supplies are limited so make your purchases now. After all, what have you got to lose…?
* Not guaranteed in any way