How To Scrape By On $1 Million a Month
It will likely not have escaped the attention of people with (i) an Internet connection, and (ii) more than zero functioning neurons in their frontal cortex, that the US Republican Party is desperate to increase the national debt yet again in order to ease the plight of the super-rich. Yes, sweet Uncle Donald’s $1.5 trillion give-away has already been spent and the deserving rich are once again wondering how on earth they will afford to finance the purchase of their next private islands now that their current islands are being threatened by rising sea levels due to non-existent climate change.
Horrifying as it may seem, there are times (not often in the USA, admittedly…) when simply asking Uncle Sam for more is not an option. And so, in order to ease the plight of the ultra-rich, we present here a few suggestions for temporarily cutting back until the good times return in 2020 when the Trump Administration will issue Executive Order 101: The Ultra-Rich Suffering Relief Act that will mercifully deliver yet another $2 trillion in tax breaks for those struggling to get by on incomes of under $10 million per month and less than $50 billion in tangible assets.
Suggestion One: Ride Sharing. Apparently there’s a scheme for people who don’t have chauffeurs to drive their Maybachs, Bentley Brooklands, or Rolls Royce Phantoms whereby they can pay someone else to transport them. Adapting this novel concept suitably, we can suggest the temporary expedient of (please don’t be alarmed): sharing one’s private jet.
You want to fly from your West Coast hideaway to New York because you’ve heard about a new restaurant absolutely everybody is talking about. Meanwhile on the next island over, Chipper has had the same idea. Normally you’d each individually fly there in your own jets, but here’s the novel concept: you can have your Activities Consultant call Chipper’s Activities Consultant so they can make arrangements for you both to travel together in the same jet. Not only will you be saving the cost of one jet, but you’ll have the astonishing novelty of flying cross-country in the presence of another person.
Obviously this isn’t the sort of thing one would wish to do more than once or twice in a lifetime, but for a one-time event it can represent a meaningful saving to be chalked up on the board of…
