I don’t want to upset any Politically Correct convictions you may have, but I think you’re focusing on entirely the wrong problem. You seem to be concerned only about body image whereas the real issue here is health. You must know that you’ve put yourself at significant risk of heart disease, various cancers, emphysema, aneurysm, not to mention a host of bone-fracture and ligament/tendon injuries. These are not consequences imposed by “the patriarchy” in order to subject to you an arbitrary standard of beauty; these are fundamental medical consequences of being far heavier than we’re evolved to deal with. For 99.9% of human evolutionary history calories were scarce and hard physical activity was a daily norm. Our bodies simply can’t cope with eating too much (almost always of the wrong things) and doing too little. As long as you distract yourself with ideas that have zero relevance to your fundamental issue — health — it’s likely you won’t feel like taking the steps necessary to prevent yourself from succumbing to a wide variety of entirely avoidable diseases. And yes, I know, talking about health is just another example of patriarchical fat-shaming etc. etc. etc. It’s easy to spout memes; it’s much more difficult to look at the real issues. I hope one day you’re able to rescue yourself; ideally before a major illness robs you of many years of life and wellbeing.