I’d recommend you look for a solid relationship with a person you like and, over time, learn you can trust. Then begin to talk about adding the things you want into your sex life. If you go into the BDSM community you’ll likely be disappointed as a great many folk there use play as a surrogate for sexual activity rather than a way to make it more intense. And if you advertise on a site like OK Cupid, stating your desires, you’ll likely just get idiots responding. So while there’s no sure-fire way to get what you want, my experience is that focusing on finding an emotionally and intellectually compatible person is the right way to proceed and will dramatically increase your probability of being able to explore safely and erotically in the direction you desire.