I’m glad you’ve been having a lively experience with Tinder. The experience of most of my friends (female and male) has been quite different. That said, I think there’s a fundamental problem with human nature, not with Tinder or any other app. The problem is that people believe if they ask for what they want (“just casual sex, mind-blowingly great sex, but no ongoing commitment”) then others will judge them harshly. So people disguise their intentions — both men and women claim to want “a relationship” lest they be subject to disapprobation. Unfortunately one or both people is fibbing, and that’s where the problems arise.

As there seems little likelihood of people becoming more honest (at least online) the best option seems to be on Date One to make everything explicit, in person, so that everyone knows the situation and can make decisions accordingly.

Or you could, if you’re simply looking for lots of great sex (and frankly I can think of few other pursuits so rewarding) there are sites like AdultFriendFinder where you can create an honest profile without risk of being judged unfavorably. A very dear friend of mine did this a while back, posting an explicit profile that explained that her partner was several thousand miles distant, they both felt she should be fucked as frequently as possible during the separation period, and so she was looking for no-strings-attached great sex with confident athletic men. Although she got the usual number of time-wasters and poseurs, she did find a couple of dozen excellent friends with benefits, all of whom were intelligent, caring, thoughtful, and great in bed.

In the end, both she and her partner decided to opt for a permanently open relationship (on both sides) when they were finally living together again as the rewards were far greater and their relationship far deeper than if they’d gone back a a traditional monogamous setup.

Anyone who enjoys my articles here on Medium may be interested in my books Why Democracy Failed and The Praying Ape, both available from Amazon.

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