I'm surprised this article failed to mention a fact everyone knows: McDonalds hamburgers are the interstellar equivalent of smartphones. By consuming three Big Macs along with a super-sized cola, our bodies are subtly altered to resonate on the frequency of subspace alien transmissions. This is why governments have secretely assisted McDonalds to spread outlets around the world, thus maximizing the number of people who will be able to communicate with aliens who want to share their advanced technologies with us because they recognize our innate wisdom and our ability to use technology to improve the conditions of all life on Earth.

The article also failed to mention another well-known fact, namely that aliens disguised as overweight humans wearing plaid shirts and MAGA hats have been assisting us in a secret battle against the Lizard People, who want to overthrow humans and turn us into their slaves and force us to eat dangerous substances like vegetables and low-fat proteins.

Thank goodness someone has the courage to tell us the truth about what's really going on!