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Inside The Head Of Boris Baldric
Exclusive excerpts from the diary of the current British Prime Minister
British politicians have long had a penchant for writing their memoirs, and to ensure a suitable supply of material most keep diaries in which they record the events of the day and their insightful musings. The following excerpts were obtained through means of great cunning and stealth so as to overcome all of Boris’ security precautions (e.g. we simply asked him to give us his diary).
September 7th 2015: I’m bored. Being Lord Mayor of London was such a lark! But it’s been at least six minutes since I did something amusing and life feels very dull. And it’s only 10.15am so I can’t get totally blotto until lunchtime, which is ages away. Mummy said when I’m bored I should think about my goals and what I’m naturally good at.
I’m naturally good at lying. In fact, I’m absolutely f*cking brilliant at it! I remember back in school when I got an A in History and the teacher asked me if I’d made Barnard Gribins write it for me and I said no and he believed me! Mummy said because I was so good at telling fibs I should be a lawyer but it turns out you have to remember things so I became a journalist instead. Nearly everything I wrote was a lie and everyone loved it. Except when they fired me, but then I got practically the same…
