I’ve always thought it sad that people seem to assume sexual intimacy should “just happen” even though they never make time for it. Most couples slump onto the sofa after dinner and zone out until they’re so drop-dead tired they crash into the bed and sleep until the alarm pulls them from much-needed slumber. Rinse and repeat, day after day, week after week.

In my relationships I’ve found it essential to prioritize sexual intimacy. It’s far, far more important than any must-watch show or email or IM on your phone or complaining about something someone did or said at work. I’ve not owned a television for more than 30 years, I turn my phone off before dinner and don’t turn it on again until morning, and I never bring work into conversation. these basic hygiene routines have meant that in all my long-term relationships aside from my first marriage, sexual intimacy has been daily and everyone has felt much, much better for it than if we’d been watching some transiently fashionable TV show or been moaning about some trivial work-related issue.

The fact is, we all have time for sex; we just squander that time elsewhere on things that don’t nurture us and certainly don’t nurture our relationships.

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Anyone who enjoys my articles here on Medium may be interested in my books Why Democracy Failed and The Praying Ape, both available from Amazon.

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