I’ve been fortunate in not needing my partners to enjoy extra-curricular experiences on the “down low” and so everyone benefits: they get exciting sex with new people then come back to me for several lengthy hardcore fuckings in addition. And, occasionally, I get to experience new people to. Plus we have MMF, FMF, etc. when the combination of personalities is right. I can quite understand why having to keep everything a secret ends up being fatiguing for you. But it is nevertheless better than feeling dead inside all the time.