John, have you considered an alternative perspective: that the zombie phone syndrome can help humanity? Here’s our big problem: technologies insulate us from consequences, so evolution has stopped working. Drive badly and crash? No problem! Air bags, crumple zones, safety cages all protect you so you can go on to crash many more times with impunity. Your diet comprises pizza & McSlop? No problem! Here’s your blood pressure medication, your heart medication, your insulin.

But now, thanks to smartphones, we have an opportunity to reintroduce selection pressure. All we need to do is get Apple & Samsung et al to make a tiny modification to their products. By installing a proximity detector and some AI into a front-facing camera, the device will be able to tell if a person is heads-down obliviously walking straight into someone else’s path. When the distance closes to one meter, the phone takes remedial action.

Detonating 100g of plastic explosive.

Now, sure, this won’t necessarily kill the phone user, which I admit is a major drawback. But on the bright side, maybe infection will set in after doctors bandage whatever’s left of the user’s forearms. And think of the commercial opportunities: YouTube videos of Grand Central Station streamed in realtime to millions who can bet on who’s going to lose their hands next. Comedy shows featuring Best Bangs of the Week. Frankly, it’s impossible not to love this idea for a wide variety of reasons.

So please, let’s not call for legislation when the beauty of commerce can solve the problem far more efficiently and to the benefit of nearly everyone.