How one infantile orange moron has changed the English language

Image credit: Vanity Fair

Although much of the world has fallen in recent years to the onslaught of mindless populism, the USA is still gamely ahead of the surging crowd.

While Brexit and Bolsonaro and Babiš and all other examples of our Age of Morons herald the end of Western civilization, Trump stands alone for his overwhelming stupidity and complacent ignorance about absolutely everything. He is also the only genuine sub-human in the heap, a screeching blustering creature possessing only the worst traits of humanity without a single redeeming element.

This means that, whereas Brexit is now merely a synonym for brainlessness and perhaps also ineptitude, the word Trump has gifted unto the world a wide range of new expressions:

As thick as a Trump has replaced as thick a brick

Shortly after his election I was walking along a path strewn with the excrement left by dog owners whose religion presumably precludes them from worrying about anyone else on the planet. Ahead of me a man and a woman were trailing along behind their excited toddler. Suddenly I heard the woman shout, “Henry! Don’t step in the Trump!”

Having a Trump has replaced having a dump

Trump fact has replaced pathetically infantile lie

Clever like Trump means, inevitably, someone so mind-numbingly stupid that even stupid people feel embarrassed by the comparison

He’s Trumped himself means he’s just created a catastrophic self-made problem for no reason other than total mental incapacity

Trump-brain has replaced bird-brain (which is actually unfair, because Corvids are highly intelligent whereas Trump has no measurable intellectual function whatsoever)

And finally, Trump sump has replaced the ages-old Delhi belly as a term for unstoppable diarrhea.

On the minor scale we now have twitter tantrum, a phrase applicable to any of Trump’s social media output.

While Trump is clearly at the very bottom of the heap with regards to any possible measure of human attainment, we must remember that his public display of catastrophic incompetence and venal infantilism was made possible entirely by the efforts of nearly forty-three million US voters. Their grotesque stupidity, en mass, therefore outweighs even Trump’s most stupendous contributions to the cause of abject idiocy.

Thus we raise our (MAGA) hats to these voters, each and every one of them, in recognition of their decisive role in ensuring the final collapse of what was once wryly termed American civilization.

Anyone who enjoys my articles here on Medium may be interested in my books Why Democracy Failed and The Praying Ape, both available from Amazon.

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