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Local Man Fingered In Alien Probe Scandal
Local newspaper vows to get to the bottom of things
Kansas City Reporter, February 10th 2022
For days now, Kansas City residents have been talking about nothing else but the rumor that FBI agents were involved in the abduction and subsequent probing of Billy-Joe McIntyre, a well-known local Caucasian man aged seventy-four. According to a deposition sworn by Billy-Joe in front of three of his drinking buddies, he was seized by four FBI agents as he left the Green Coyote saloon at 02.27 on the morning of 2nd February this year.
The agents hustled him into an unmarked black SUV and drove him away at speed. In his deposition Billy-Joe states that “There was a lot of speed, I can tell you. Also maybe some coke.” A later statement by the local Bureau Chief Felicity D. Straction clarified: It is not uncommon for our agents to drink caffeinated beverages while on stake-outs, in order to stay awake on duty for long hours at a time. The Bureau denies, however, that it was in any way involved in the alleged incident reported by Mr. McIntyre.
Some time later, the agents reached an undisclosed location and Billy-Joe was handed to another group of agents who took him into a secure facility where the alleged probing took place. According to Billy-Joe, “They kept saying my name was Jose Mercantor and that I was…
