Looking Back On 2025

How everything changed for the better

Image Credit: Daily Sabah

OK people, settle down wherever you are. This morning’s class, Condensed History 101, is brought to you thanks to our sponsors Crunchy Cola-Flakes and McGlucose, and is all about the momentous year 2025 which, as we all know, brought amazing changes to our great country.

To understand what led to these changes and to the stability we now enjoy as our birthright, we have to look back a few years earlier. I know, I know: too much information is a bummer. But don’t worry. We’ve shrink-wrapped everything into a few really great soundbites. Plus, we have five seconds of a cute puppy riding on the back of a chicken. What could be better, right?

So, back in 2020 the Europeans were free-loading as usual, sucking up our defense spending and giving us nothing but complaints in return. Thanks to a wise decision by President Trump, the USA was getting ready to pull out of Afghanistan (that’s a terrible place full of bad dudes somewhere east of Manhattan) and even though the election was stolen, we still pulled out and saved a boat-load of money that enabled important tax-breaks for the billionaires who create so much wealth for the rest of us. Then the illegitimate president who’d stolen the election decided to send billions of your dollars to a country that didn’t even exist. How stupid was that, am I…