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A preview of tomorrow’s must-use words
Although I am very old now, I do enjoy making an occasional attempt to be hip, with-it, far out, and groovy by keeping au fait with modern parlance. Indeed, so assiduously do I study the in-words and must-use phrases of contemporary society that I find myself in the position of being able to predict tomorrow’s expressions.
And so, dear reader, without further ado allow me to share with you some pre-trend buzzwords crafted to fit today’s wholesome and tolerant online zeitgeist.
In the bad old days, when an explanation for something was retro-fitted after the fact we used to employ the dull Latin tag post-hoc. But who would bother to learn Latin these days when one can become President of the United States with only a pre-kindergarten vocabulary and the intellectual capacity of a dead amoeba? So instead, allow me to introduce backsplaining.
Whenever someone tries to tell us why they did something, we can roll our eyes and say, “Don’t backsplain me.”
Moving on, we come to the problem of education. This is the word we use for the process of ensuring that our children receive taxpayer-funded daycare for twelve years so that we can work uninterrupted in our delightfully spacious and thoughtfully designed cubicles. As such, it should be harmless.
