Nigeria To The Rescue
How Africa’s largest nation will enable Brexit to be a glorious success
To: British Govinmint, Untied Kingdum
From: Chief General President Topguy, Nigeria Govinmint
Dear British Govinmint,
How you doing?
We want introduce ourselves. Create some chimistry, get spark going, know what I mean?
We loved your covid thing, really top great! Make everybody think all big troubles not ’cause you did Brexit but ‘cause 0.062% of population had problem with virus! We still laughing big about that one! Maybe we use same game here too! No worries, stealing oil money! No worries, corruption! All fault of coronavirus! Just like UK.
OK now, now we be serious here. We know you leaving EU soon-soon. We know big crash, you try blame EU, blame coronavirus. But still you all alone, no money, no jobs, everybody sad. Small rainy county, no friends. World laugh at you. Russia kick you ‘round like football, Chinese ignore you, USA rape you big time and you gotta smile and take it, right? ’Cause USA your friend!
Man, we laugh so hard at this one!
But we understand. Here the good news: we want friendship with UK. Sensitive friendship, modern friendship. We promise we buy all your stuff: turnips, old cars, old TV shows, old dreams. We be best friend you got. Promise.
You got 47% GDP dependent on Europe, that go away 2021. Bye-bye jobs, bye-bye UK pound sterling. So we help. You need new jobs, we need people fight Boko Haram. Sure thing our own soldiers won’t do it! You need people buy your stuff, we love turnips, East Endings, and Downturn Albey!
Win-win all round right?
Plus more good stuff: you all political joke, we all political joke. Perfect for each other! We love you long time.
To get ball rolling for us to send you lots-lots money, you send us $100 million and details big UK bank account. Then we send you $100 billion right back, next day, no worries. Great deal, super-smart, just like Brexit!
Love big time,
Chief General President Topguy, Nigeria Govinmint
Sammy Obadinga, third shack to left (pink tin roof!) of Lagos sub-post office #17, Nigeria.
Wave # +234 780 783 188 27
PS: You no wait too long! True love got be grabbed when opportunity strike!