One of the many things we humans are absolutely useless at is assessing relative risk. Terror about smartphones is by now a classic example. Let’s examine the folly: the average US citizen is obese, doesn’t exercise, pours McSlop constantly down their throat, and drives abysmally. The risk from any one of these factors is massively greater than the potential risk that may, or may not, accrue from using a smartphone or any other electronic device.

Ooh! maybe there’s a 40% additional risk of glaucoma! What does that actually mean? Well, because of atrocious lifestyle choices, the average US citizen’s risk of glaucoma is around 1/100, or 1%. So a 40% increase in this risk would take the average US citizen’s lifetime risk to 1.4% — not really a terrifying statistic after all, especially when contrasted with their enormous risk of cardiovascular disease, cancer, emphysema, bone damage, and Type II diabetes, all of which are far, far more likely to carry off the vast majority of our vast-waistline citizens.

In summary therefore it’s easy to see that the real risk arising from cellular phone use is the probability of driving into something or someone while texting while also cramming McSlop down one’s throat as one’s arteries clog and bowel cancer spreads.