Senator Cotton Sets The Record Straight

Why it’s important not to pay attention to misleading things like the words that come out of my mouth

Image credit: Reuters

Good people of America, I’m writing this letter to y’all to set the record straight. As usual, the lying liberal media has created a totally misleading impression by quoting things I said and completely leaving out all the things I didn’t say. As our great President always tells us, if it’s a fact then its just fake news, am I right?

So here’s the deal: sure, I did say that founding our great nation on the institution of slavery was a necessary evil. But look what it’s given us today: a nation in which any white man born into a wealthy family can leverage his privileges to become a billionaire! And if that’s not equal opportunity then I don’t know what is.

As for the idea that I’m a racist, nothing could be further from the truth. I’m the least racist person in the universe. You can ask any of my negro servants and they’ll all tell you the same thing: I believe in equality of opportunity. Any man or woman, no matter how dark their skin, is entitled to work as my cook, gardener, chauffeur, or cleaner so long as they prove they’re up to the job.

In fact, I was just talking the other day to my boy who cleans the pool. He’s been with us…