South-Central Britain 2037 Annual Address

How Brexit enabled England to become a world leader

Image credit: Romney Advertiser

Annual Address to the nation by this week’s Prime Minister, the Right Honourable Matilda Thrush-Throttler, MP (Member for Penzance and three cabbage fields just to the left).

Dear people of our great nation, it is with pride that I deliver our customary Annual Address, wearing as my predecessors have all done the Peruke of Boris which signifies all the greatness our independent nation has attained since he led us from the chains of Europe into the sunlight of freedom. Had he not died of a massive stroke brought on by a lifetime of indulgence, I am certain he would be here today, running his hands through the very same wig I am wearing today, and bringing you our glad tidings personally. Perhaps while stuck halfway down a zipwire because he amusingly lied about his crowd-pleasing obesity.

Thanks to our sustained forty-three billion pound investment of taxpayer money in levelling up, the northern-most part of our great nation now boasts an income per head that is one pound and fourteen pennies greater than it was at the beginning of 2016 when our march to liberty began. This magnificent achievement would surely have swelled the heart of Boris, had it not already been swelled to maximum proportions due to chronic cardiovascular disease.