Steffen, I think your articles are genuinely hilarious. They read like something an extremely naive small child would write. They have a wonderful alternate-reality quality about them. The only problem is that your stupidity overlooks the horrific real-world consequences of pandering to tyrants and dictators. Still, if you are very lucky, you can end your days being beaten and abused in a Russian gulag while you praise, in Monty Python style, your assailants. "Wonderful people, the Russians."

As for the Chinese, let's hope you also get to experience the joys of being kidnapped and disappeared into a "retraining center" where you can likewise praise your captors fulsomely.