The Chinese Confession
How SARS-CoV2 really did leak from a secret bioweapons facility in Wuhan
Dear people of the West, and also assorted humans living in less self-centered and pampered countries, on behalf of the glorious Chinese Empire we have an important announcement to impart.
There has been vile speculation in the corrupt running-dog capitalist Western media that the coronavirus designated SARS-CoV2 originated in one of our non-existent bioweapons facilities. Until today, we have rightly denied such libelous claims for the absurd lies they so clearly are. Today, however, we acknowledge that the coronavirus did indeed come from our Wuhan facility and accidentally leaked out due to an unfortunate mistake by the janitor who was carrying a bucket carrying 4 liters of virus-containing liquid. While he was off searching for a government-approved made-in-China highest-quality mop, some of the liquid seeped out under the front door and made its way into the wider world.
What followed was inconceivable to us.
Our Wuhan facility has been working on technology that takes highly lethal viruses such as the original SARS virus and the MERS virus and transforms them into harmless near-replicas that we hoped could be the basis for nationwide inoculation. With SARS-CoV2 we had reached the point where the virus…
