The dilemma you describe is common to people when their government does something reprehensible and stupid that harms others. Many intelligent British people felt shame at Brexit and many US citizens felt shame because of Trump; these were however merely self-harming idiocies that did not result in the death of others, nor the destruction of other people's lands. There is no good answer to this problem, and unfortunately human nature precludes the most desirable responses and outcomes. In my opinion, the only realistic future for Russia is fragmentation into a number of smaller nations, each ruled by a thuggish overlord intent on asset-stripping as much wealth as possible for himself and his immediate circle of family and trusted friends. This would be a win for the global community, but the cost to ordinary Russians would be very high. What is more likely is that Western stupidity and spinelessness will enable Putin finally to install a puppet regime in Kyiv and it will be the West that disintegrates.