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The Official Biography Of Donald J. Trump
How a prank became a global joke
The story of Donald J. Trump began on 12th December 1945 when two very inebriated biology post-docs fertilized an orangutan egg with DNA taken from a syphilis bacterium. Failing to remember their prank the next morning, the two post-docs left the egg in its petri dish where in the months that followed it slowly grew into a shapeless orange jelly.
One day, when the quivering mass was six months old, it was found by one of the university cleaners who saw an opportunity to revenge herself upon her primary employer Fred Trump, a minor property developer in Brooklyn famous for being the slummiest of slum landlords. She slipped it into a plastic bag and the following day hid it under the covers of Fred Trump’s bed, thinking it would be a suitably disgusting mess for him to encounter at the end of a long day bullying his subordinates and cheating his contractors.
What the cleaner could not have known, however, was that Fred Trump possessed all the intellectual acumen for which the Trump family would later become justifiably famous. Upon discovering the whining quivering orange mass underneath the covers of his bed, Fred assumed it was one of his children (he already had one, so he felt he knew precisely what children looked like). From there on, the orange lump’s future was…
