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The Queen’s Speech
The original transcript for Her Majesty’s December 2019 address to the people of the dis-United Kingdom
“Hello. As many of you know, I have given a speech every Christmas Day since nineteen fifty-two. This is, therefore, my sixty-seventh speech.
This is, perhaps, the most difficult speech I will ever make. This year, for reasons that are completely incomprehensible to me but which my beloved husband Prince Phillip attributes to appalling human stupidity, I find myself in the position of having to entertain a blustering prancing compulsive liar as my Prime Minister. A Prime Minister who, it must be acknowledged, lied to me and to Parliament and to the people of our once-great nation not once but many hundreds of times. A Prime Minister for whom no words of opprobrium can be sufficient now that, most unfortunately, I am no longer permitted to utter the phrase ‘Off with his head.’
Thus it is that I now preside as a figurehead over a nation that has elected a self-obsessed unscrupulous charlatan an a motley coterie of dull-witted hangers-on because they promised to tear the United Kingdom out of the greatest single peacetime enterprise known to history.
Our reasonably prosperous nation will, in the months and years ahead, decline with a speed incomprehensible to those who voted for this massive self-harm. This inevitable decline will, of…
