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The Unforseeable
Who’d have guessed that actions have consequences?
In the last few days, tens of millions of US citizens have found themselves shocked — shocked! — to discover that a lifetime spent consuming massive amounts of junk food combined with a totally sedentary lifestyle turns out to have unfortunate consequences for their health.
This astonishing news, which absolutely no one could have predicted in any way at all, has left the nation quivering with fear. Nearly one hundred million US citizens who until very recently were happily swallowing countless prescription medications per day to counter the effects of high blood pressure, coronary disease, emphysema, bowel dysfunction, and a wide range of other exciting ailments, have woken to find their complacency rudely disturbed.
In totally unexpected news, medical researchers have revealed that an excessively unhealthy lifestyle results in an under-performing immune system. Or, to put in in layman’s terms: lardy folk get sick more easily than healthy folk.
As eighty-six percent of US citizens today are overweight and on average walk less than three miles per week, it’s not surprising this awful news has led to hysteria across the nation.
To assess what impact this devastating new information is having, we’ve interviewed a representative sample of Americans.
