There’s a tendency in our modern world to turn everything into a pathology, which is rarely helpful. People come in all shapes & sizes and their drives are equally uneven. I’ve always had an absurdly high sex drive, but that doesn’t make me a sex addict or a male slut or whatever; it simply means that on this particular dimension I’m several standard deviations from the mean.

As you note, this makes it problematic to find someone whom you like, with whom you have fun, and also with whom you can enjoy sex with the frequency and variety that comes naturally to you. Most people live within a standard deviation of the Gaussian mean but damn, we’re far off at the end of the bell-curve.

There are no easy answers, alas. All we can do is cultivate patience and a wry acceptance that our situation is a bit like being extremely tall or extremely intelligent: there simply aren’t that many other people with the same problem, so meeting someone similar is a pretty rare event. In an ideal world polyandry would be normal and acceptable (you could be in relationships with several men all in the same place at the same time, for example) but we live in a world that is far from ideal in that regard.

Mind you, when I rule the world, things will change… :)

Anyone who enjoys my articles here on Medium may be interested in my books Why Democracy Failed and The Praying Ape, both available from Amazon.

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