To Boldly Go…

Ladies and Gentlemen, Cis-and-Transgenders, Hetero and Homo and Bisexual and Pansexual and Sapiosexual and Omnisexual and Asexual beings of all identifications and preferences and pronouns, thank you for tuning in to this multicast which is offered in the original and in translation so that you all are able to follow along.

Translation: “Hey dudes, like, totally, here we are, OK?”

On this auspicious day we will witness the launch of Seedling One, the most technologically ambitious project humankind has ever attempted. It is literally impossible to exaggerate how important this project is to the future of our species.

Translation: “We’re gonna launch a f*cking big rocket.”

As everyone knows, the human race clings on to a precarious existence on our single planet of origin. Any one of a million different catastrophes could erase us at any moment. For eons we had no choice but to pray and sacrifice to our gods in the hope they would keep us safe. Today all that has changed forever. Today we take the future of humankind into our own hands.

Translation: “We’re gonna save you from the bad stuff.”

In order to ensure the continuation of our species we have embarked on the creation of hundreds of vast spacecraft, each one of which can carry tens of millions of humans to the stars. Science has…