Tonight on Fox News

How America’s favorite news channel keeps us safe from truth

Joey Goebbels: “Hello, good evening, and welcome one and all to another episode of Fox News Tonight, brought to you by the Fox News Network. Our motto: proudly lying to the simple minded since 1996.”

Maria Vladimirovna Zakharova: “And first up tonight: why enemies of the people are wasting their time about the so-called impeachment.”

Joey Goebbels: “But now, tonight’s top story. Respected Republican Senator Lindsey Graham today told reporters that Democrat traitor to the nation Nancy Pelosi almost certainly may have possible mental issues. Seven random doctors contacted by Fox News all refused to comment, which sounds to me like another classic Democrat cover-up.”

Maria Vladimirovna Zakharova: “Meanwhile the highly patriotic Republican Senator Mitch McConnell told reporters that President Trump couldn’t possibly have known that asking Ukraine for help while withholding four hundred million dollars essential for the country to defend itself against Russian aggression would be misrepresented by deep state Democrats and other undemocratic enemies of the people as a crime, so therefore it definitely can’t be a crime.”

Joey Goebbels: “And on the subject of Ukraine, where the heck is that anyway? I mean, why should the American people care about what…