Totally agree with this. My sex drive is fortunately diminishing as I age; at 60 I am satisfied with 2 to 4 times per day now, but even in my 50s I could easily want more with the right partner.

So many things influence one’s sex drive but most people have a “baseline setting” and incompatibility here is a huge issue. We’re spread across a Gaussian distribution and for the few at either end of the curve, life is tricky. Imagine having very little or no sexual desire: that would impact every intimate relationship. Likewise being at the other end of the curve is only slightly less difficult, as we perpetually compromise our desire in order not to overwhelm our partners.

I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to have found a handful of women with drives as high as mine, but it’s a rare event and of course just being sexually compatible doesn’t mean the rest of the relationship will necessarily be harmonious. All in all it’s likely much easier when you’re only a standard deviation or less from the mean, which appears to be 4 to 8 minutes once or twice a week. As for me a “quickie” is about 30 minutes, sexual compatibility is an unlikely occurrence. Hence the need to be clear in advance — though I’ve found few women actually believe what I say until empirical evidence changes their minds.

Anyone who enjoys my articles here on Medium may be interested in my books Why Democracy Failed and The Praying Ape, both available from Amazon.

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