Trump Cancels Visit to Children’s Hospital

White House spokesperson Joe G.O Bells today announced that President Trump won’t be going to the Southlake Children’s Hospital after all. The visit was canceled after Trump learned that the children would probably not let him play with their toys.

Trump himself tweeted shortly after the announcement was made, “Really DUMB kids. BAD KIDS!!! I dont nede to play with those toyes anyway. I got the best toys, the greatest toys. No one plays with toys like me. Im the best toy player in the yunivers. Everybody sais so.”

A poll taken of Trump supporters after this announcement indicated that 99.7% thought believe this was a “smart thing to do” and “shows our guy is really focused on what matters to ‘murka.” Trump later accused the Democrats of being responsible for allowing foreign-made toys into the country and causing the moral decline of children.

(NOTE: this story was inspired by the announcement that Trump petulantly canceled a planned visit to Denmark because the Danish Prime Minister called Trump’s “smart and stable genius” plan to buy Greenland “absurd.” This meant that Trump will be unable to acquire the country at the expense of the US Treasury and then re-name it Trumpland.)

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