Trump Whines Before Dining
The USA’s orange flim-flam salesman talks to the press before eating more junk food aboard Airforce One
The question? What? What do we think of…?
I’ve been saying for years, decades, you can read my, they’re the most analyzed, journalists have, I saw it on TV myself, we have the best ratings, people are very angry. It’s a huge mistake, very dividing the country, I’ve been telling people for years we need to look into the tech companies, they have too much power. I’ve always said, where was their conscience when the other guy, you know who we’re talking about, was supporting terrorists? Did they talk about blocking when Adrian Lincoln divided our great nation? Did they block Jim Washinghood because of all the fighting? No.
It’s so unfair. I’m the best president in the history of history but the lamestream media, that’s you, by the way, is so jealous, so jealous. Our hair, the best hair, everybody says what great hair we’ve got. But we’ve cards to play, so many cards. Nobody has as many cards as we do. I can’t even count how many cards. Lots. More cards than anyone.
People are angry, there’ll be trouble, I’ve been saying it but they didn’t listen. We were right all along. Now they want to blame us. So unfair.
What’s that? What do I think of what happened in the Capitol last week? Nothing happened last week. It’s fake news, didn’t happen. I’ve been telling people for years nothing happened last week. Nobody went near the Capitol. I was in the White House which, by the way, is falling to pieces. You should see Mar-a-Lago, lots of gold, lots of marble, very classy, everybody says so. I said hey, we could rebuild the White House, we’d do a great job, everyone would love it, I got more votes than anyone in history.
And you know something? Something you ought to report if you weren’t all biased? Those protestors were all antifa terrorists. That’s right, they were antifa. They all had antifa on their clothes. I’ve been telling people for years the danger of socialist extremismimism. Your amendment rights, gone, all gone, we told people. Mexican rapists everywhere, destroying our great country, eating in the same restaurants we do. Now they’re trying to blame all the violence on me but we’re the great peacemaker, we bring the country together. We delivered healthcare, nobody made it happen but me. I built the wall, a great wall, tremendous wall. You should see it, totally unbelievable wall.
It’s a dangerous path they’re going down, dividing our great nation, telling lies, trying to blame me for their own failures. You ever see Pelosi’s house? No marble, a real shack. Such a shame. Maybe that’s why she’s so bitter. I don’t know, nobody knows it but me, everybody says so.
And let me tell you another thing: there’s a lot of anger in this country about the stolen election. Lot of anger. Electoral fraud, stuffed ballots, huge fraud. No wonder all those fine patriots stormed that building. We have such great support, so much support, it’s mathomythically impossible we lost. The people know the election was stolen, you can’t hold them back. They’re the ones who truly love America. I love those proud patriots, proud boys, oath keepers, fine people, good people. We’ve lots of cards to play, you’ll see, when we’re ready. We can pardon anybody, anytime. Even ourselves. We can do anything we want, it’s in the constitution, article something, you’ll see.
What’s that? Do I have any plans for retardment? Well, maybe we’ll play some golf. No time for that as president, too busy, making the country great again, saving America. I own the best golf courses, the greatest, and we always win, never lose. I always say, if Washinghood had golf courses like mine he could’ve been a pretty decent president. Not as good as me, not great, but maybe decent. Maybe. We’ll see, we’ll have to look into it.
We’re going to hold rallies all over the country, tell the people the truth. About how the election was stolen, the truth about how the lizard people are controlling Biden and that colored crazy woman and Pelosi, planning to take away your guns and impose socialism. People will hear all about how I battled the deep state, fought for our great country. Rallies everywhere, huge crowds, all cheering, they love me, they really do. We got great support from the evangelical community, all that baby-killing, no more contraceiving on their health plans. My second term. That passage in the bible about fighting against injustice, against stolen elections. A total fraud, everybody knows it. Jesus would vote for us, if he could.
I don’t have time for this, we’re a busy man, always working hard, nobody knows how hard but me. Just be glad you lived long enough to see me, to see our greatness at work. And don’t forget to come to my rallies, tickets start at only $59.00 each, buy yours now before they’re all sold out. They’ll be great rallies, the best rallies, you can trust me on this.
We’re never wrong about anything.