Why appearances matter

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It’s important to be on the (far)right side of the fence

Everyone with more than no functioning neurons in their frontal cortex already knows Trump is a criminal and the GoP is not only the official Party of Stupid but also on track to make the Nazi Party look like a bunch of school kids.

In today’s world of Political Correctness, the blatant cynicism and overt corruption of the Republican Party is quite refreshing. It’s also gratifying to see such rapid moves towards upending every element of civic law in order to ensure Republicans everywhere need never again worry about illegal activities, for henceforth if one is Republican then de facto and soon de jure one’s actions must forever be legal.

As Barr announced last week, in his opinion as Attorney General, Trump can legally kill people in broad daylight and his actions must be legitimate because he’s the Prez.

Meanwhile anyone who votes Democrat is an Enemy Of The People and will in due course find themselves compulsorily invited to a re-education center deep in the Nevada desert.

So to sum up: flaunt all conventions and laws, check. Capture the judiciary by appointing hacks, check. Start to round up undesirables and put them into camps, check. Feed the dull-eyed drooling mob with fear and paranoia and simplistic solutions, check. Persecute anyone trying to stand up for the rule of law and basic human decency, check.

So far, so good.

Hitler and Lenin both used similar techniques to great effect back in their days. Although Trump is an infantile moron, at least he’s able to lurch down the road towards absolute totalitarianism by sheer instinct (and frequent diaper changes) alone.

But… (and there’s always a but): there’s one vital piece missing.


Yes, uniforms.

Think back to when Mussolini seized power in Rome in 1922: he had a Praetorian Guard dressed in very snazzy uniforms.

Think about Hitler’s Gestapo: very sharp clothing indeed.

Even Stalin, who had to deal with the fact Russia was too impoverished and far too cold to be able to turn out well-turned-out paramilitaries, at least came up with the red Pioneer scarf that was subsequently desired by millions of Soviet teens for decades.

But what do we have with America’s ultra-right-wing neofascist Republican Party?

Pathetic little red baseball caps.


Imagine going down in history as the Party that destroyed the USA, only to have every accompanying picture feature some obese moron in a red baseball cap.

How embarrassing.

So what Trump needs to do now is have one of his lackeys pause a moment from licking his boots and his nether regions and instead apply their meager talent toward designing decent clothing.

ICE and local police forces and soon the military in general need to be clad in snappy uniforms that remind us of why totalitarian regimes are so much better than civilian administrations. It’s all about style, which sadly Trump lacks in every way. But someone must step in and take up the challenge.

Of course there will be hurdles to overcome. As the typical Trump supporter is obese and simple-minded, accommodations will be required. No sharply-tailored lines requiring a lean and taut physique. No complicated buttons or zippers. Everything in XXXL and strictly Velcro-only.

But the USA can call on the requisite expertise from companies that today manufacture the Big Top tents for organizations like the Cirque du Soleil (which of course will henceforth be banned from US soil for promoting un-American ideals like thinness and tolerance and complexity).

So let us hope that after Trump wins re-election in 2020 his regime can give proper attention to the extremely important topic of uniforms.

Because those history book illustrations aren’t going to manage themselves.

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