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Virus of the Year Awards
And the winner is…
Juvenal (Book I): difficile est saturam non scribere.
Oh, gee, I mean, sure, I was hoping and all but this is really, no, honestly, I mean it, a total honor. I was proud to win in 2020 and here I am winning again in 2021. I want to thank everyone who made it possible but, of course, most of all the media. If it hadn’t been for all my supporters in the mass media I truly wouldn’t be standing here today, clutching this amazing award.
How do I feel? Honestly? I feel awesome! Wouldn’t you? I mean, when was the last time a microscopic entity was credited with so much power? Headlines like World Economy Reels From Coronavirus and Coronavirus Throws One And A Half Billion People Into Penury say it all. I have to look at myself every morning in the mirror and remind myself that, hey, know what? It wasn’t really me at all.
I mean, let’s be truthful here. I’m a microscopic particle. At least 90% of people don’t even notice they’re infected by me. Worst case, only three people in every thousand die, and most of those deaths are due to my wonderful friends in the medical profession who insist on putting people into coma and artificially ventilating them — a truly magnificent procedure that risks killing even perfectly healthy people! I mean, really and honestly, I wouldn’t be standing here today if it…
