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Vladimir Putin’s 2024 Awards
Russia’s annual recognition of all those who’ve ably helped preserve the glory of the Motherland
Ladies and Gentlemen, serfs and meat, once again we look back on the year that has passed and feel much warmth and gratitude for all of those around the world who’ve supported Mother Russia in so many various ways.
Our first award of course goes to Joe Biden, the USA’s Appeaser-in-Chief, who along with his trusted advisors did so much to guarantee ultimate Russian success in our loving embrace of our brothers and sisters in Ukraine which, as everyone knows, isn’t actually a country anyway. For this outstanding service to Mother Russia, Biden receives the Golden Turd, our highest expression of appreciation. Biden’s achievements are too numerous to mention, but refusing to provide adequate military support (and always years too late for whatever trickle was eventually sent) as well as preventing NATO allies from sending any US-sourced equipment to Ukraine stands head and shoulders above all his other ditherings and prevarications. Thank you, Joe, for your tireless efforts on behalf of Russia.
Last year’s winner of the Golden Turd, France’s Emmanuel Macron, failed to place this year due to his shocking failure to maintain his brave tradition of appeasing Russia and scorning the idea that…