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You Know You’re Old When…
How age changes not only a man’s perspective but everything else as well
About ten years ago I realized that despite being in fairly strong physical condition, my face was so wrinkled that it resembled either a topographic map or a Galapagos tortoise, depending on exactly how high the sun happened to be in the sky at the time. But just recently I caught sight of my derriere in a full-length mirror while changing in the gym and realized my rear end has now caught up with my face. I’m almost tempted to draw an eye on each butt-cheek in order to complete the resemblance twixt upper and lower wrinkle-sacs.
Age is not kind, and sometimes it’s downright malicious.
When I was younger, I thought the essential accompaniments on a hot date were a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine. Today I know better: I now tote around with me an Epinephrine pen, a defibrillator, and a small oxygen bottle. At a certain age, romance passes the baton to resuscitation.
While many men my age only see an erection when they drive past a building site, I’ve learned that epoxy resin does a far better job than mere Viagra can ever accomplish — plus, one application seems to last several years so it’s a money-saver too. It may cause problems after I’m dead, but back in the 1960s and early 1970s it was…
